Michael had his scans today and we still won’t hear anything until later in the week. Wednesday, we will go and see 2 of his 3 doctors (neurosurgeon and oncologist) and next week we will go and see his orthopedic surgeon, unless we can get his appointment changed. It was kind of strange sitting in the imaging center on a Sunday, so quiet, hardly anyone there. While I sat there waiting for his scans today, it gave me time to look back over the last 2 years. Yes, we started this journey almost 2 years ago. At times, I wonder how we made it. I am always getting asked a lot how did you do it. All I can say is with love, laughter, faith, friendship, fear, gratefulness, compassion, and support. I don't wish this journey on anyone. Today, it was just a different feeling. Knowing everything we have faced together the past several years, and then sitting there, all alone, but deep down, I know nothing, nothing is this world will stop Michael and I. I sat there remembering every little step along the way.
Almost 2 years ago, he started having pains in his back, but different from what he had experienced before with his previous back problems. After going to several doctors over several months, missing numerous days of work, in August of 2008, we finally began getting our answers.
I will never forget going to see his orthopedic surgeon on August 26, 2008. He picks me up at my office so I can go with him, I wanted answers and we completely trust this doctor. He had previously done 2 surgeries on Michael, not to mention he also fixed my dad's back too. We get to the parking lot, get out of his truck, and he looks at me, jumps up and down and said, "see, I am fine today, let's just skip this appointment." Of course, as he would say, the mean woman I am, I told him to get his butt up there, I want answers, and I am tired of you hurting. By this point, he hadn't worked for a week, and before that, he was lucky to make 2 of his 4 days a week.
Going in to his orthopedic doctor, once we go back, Michael always has to get an x-ray of his hardware first. So the nurse calls us back, quick small talk because it's been a while since we've seen any of them, I go towards the exam room to wait for him, and he heads towards x-ray. I start reading my book, and begin to wonder where he is. It's taking a little longer than usual. He finally walks in; tears in his eyes, he can hardly walk. He sits on the table, and my smart mouth, see good thing we are here.
About 10 minutes or so, doc walks in. Of course, he goes to shake Michael's hand, and as Michael lifts his hand, oh the pain. I can not describe the look on his face and then the doctor’s face. We describe a few things that have been going on with Michael and he says "that's it, you are a train out of control and I am stepping on the tracks to stop you." Just have got to love this doctor. By this point, Michael could not walk; we had to get him a wheel chair so I could take him down to the truck to drive him over to admitting. Luckily our doctor is on the hospital campus.
Tests, tests, and more tests. The next evening, doc finally comes in, of course at the time I finally go find me some food, and tells Michael he has a tumor inside his spinal cord compressing the nerves causing things to basically go haywire. Doc walks out of the room while on his phone telling someone he don't care what time it is, he needs to speak to them immediately, this is an emergency. Later find out it's the neurosurgeon.
So the next morning, my birthday, I keep the kids out of school, we go to the hospital and wait to talk with the doctors. I wanted our kids with me, I was so scared. So both doctors come by, explain everything and surgery was set for Tuesday. This was a Thursday and Labor Day weekend. The neurosurgeon comes back and said he cleared his calendar for Friday; we'll do it in the morning.
So Friday, August 29, 2008, I had the longest 6 1/2 hours of my life waiting in that waiting room, not knowing if he would be ok, if he would walk again. Didn't even think at that time the word Cancer would even come up. Tell ya how great his orthopedic surgeon is, he cleared his calendar too to be in the surgery room. Not to assist, but watch and keep tabs on Michael. Both doctors came and talked to me when they were done, even showed me pictures which was so cool. They placed him in ICU through the holiday, moved to a normal room, and he got up and walked. I was so excited.
Pathology took almost a month; no one was for sure what his tumor was when they removed it. Then Michael gets the call, it's not benign and the referred him to an oncologist. What's that mean, what is it? Cancer in the spine, WOW, Ewing’s Sarcoma which is a childhood cancer.
So, all in all, yes Michael had cancer. He had a kid cancer (the joke between he and I is, I us to always say he was a kid at heart, now in the back too). Did it change our lives, very much so, for the good and the bad. Did he kick cancer in the butt, oh yes he did. Michael and I have been together 22 years this past week. We have had many highs and lows, the good and the bad, and we have conquered each and every one of them. And this does include cancer.
Good, Michael and I are closer than ever. I love him more each passing day. We have met so many wonderful people, doctors, nurses, other medical personnel. Also, all you amazing, courageous, inspirational beautiful warriors fighting his disease too. And then their families, caregivers, thank you for your support. And all the love and support for our family and friends. You are amazing. Then there are also complete strangers who step up, Thank you.
The bad, yeah there is bad. Where Michael's and my relationship strengthened, we have lost relationships with a few people in our lives, family and friends. Michael can not go work and that takes a toll on any hard working man. We have lost many, many things along the way, but I still have my husband. I have watched parents’ lose their children, wives lose their husbands, and children lose their parents. This breaks my heart, we must find a cure.
I have watched him in the last 2 years change in so many ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I have watched a grown man be scared for his life. I have watched him lose his hair, I have watched as they pump those chemo drugs into his body and watch him go from this fun loving man I know to this sick, tired man. And through all this, he still loves to make every one laugh around him. As he says, what can he do? He wants to live and live he will. Michael is my hero, and so is every single one of you that are fighting the battle of your life. Michael had spinal surgery to remove a tumor, told it was the big C word, went though a total of 11 in-patient chemo treatments, 33 radiation treatments, emergency gallbladder surgery, and is walking and talking. The way he has taken this is just simply amazing. He is a wonderful man.
So today I sat here, alone in this waiting room, but I know and feel the love around me from every single person who cares for us as he was in those machines for hours getting his scans. YES, all we want is NED.
I will try to update again everyone once we here the first word on his scans. Continue to keep all these beautiful, courageous people fighting this dreaded disease in your thoughts and prayers. We need to continue to fight and find a cure.
*Hugs*
Melodie
