The Uglier Side of Cancer

Michael has faced this with tremendous courage. Here you take the “man of the house” down for the second time in the past 3 years. And this time, he is down more than he is up. He can not work. He actually struggles just to get around the house. Any thing he does he gets extremely tired. It tires him out just to walk down to the mail box and back. He now has to rely on me or the kids to do things around the house. Usually it is more me than the kids (they are teenage kids). And if you know Michael, he can NOT stand that. He was very independent before all this and does not like me to do anything for him.

Someone asked me the other day how we do it. They said reading our blogs and journals; it doesn’t seem too bad for us. I am not one to complain much or even ask for help. This journey had been very hard and very trying for all 4 of us. With cancer striking Michael, it is affecting us in so many ways.

It affects us with Michael’s health. I have to watch every little thing around him to make sure he doesn’t get sick or to make sure it isn’t a “new” side-effect starting up. He is on so many different preventative medications and medications to counter-act against the different side effects. He can’t even stand to take a Tylenol for a headache. I feel like I treat everyone around me like they are 2 again with the “make sure you wash your hands”. None of us can even get a cold around him. The slightest little cough / sniff in one of us, I have to get us in to see our doctor. In the past, Michael and I use to love to go to the store together. Now he can’t go without the fear of getting around some stranger that might be sick so he stays home. He never gets to go into the real world hardly any more.

It is affecting us financially as well. Michael and I have had to come up with a major decision this week. We have gone from a 2 income-family down to a 1 income-family. Our income has decreased more than half. We are not sure how long we will be riding this cancer journey. At this point, we can no longer afford to live where we are living. We have decided to give up our house and land. We will only have a few weeks to move. It is financially impossible to stay here.

We have to continue to pay for his insurance through COBRA, which if you don’t know, paying for your insurance through COBRA can be quite expensive. We will have to do this so we have continuous medical coverage for him. His insurance isn’t too bad, but it does not cover everything. Our medical bills are piling up and fast. We have already reached a very large amount we owe and it will continue to grow as his new benefit year is coming up and we will have to start all over with the deductibles and out of pocket expenses.

Also financially is the fact we have 2 beautiful children that are seniors in high school. I know some of you have had seniors, or can remember when you were a senior, all the little costs, senior pictures, announcements, trips, cap & gowns, etc. Now just double that because they both seniors. I do not want to deny them any of that. I will find a way to try to make this a good senior year. And don't even get me started on college...

We have received some tremendous help from some wonderful, caring people, our family and friends and co-workers. We will never be able thank you enough. If it wasn’t for you, we would have been on the streets along time ago. Most people you read about going through their journey with cancer, you never see them speak of the financial burden it puts on them. I do know when it is the husband, the father it really is not easy. It is a hard thing, at least for me, to even speak of the financial burden it has put on us.

It has affected us mentally, physically, and spiritually as well. Mentally it is putting a huge strain on Michael and me. I know for me, I tried to keep the “financial worry” away from Michael so he could concentrate on getting better, but it doesn’t work. I know we both lay in bed at night wondering, worrying about how we can get through this financially with him not being able to work. Wondering where the money is going to come from.

We worry about the kids and how this is affecting them. I know it has affected both of them differently. I can tell you it has but a wedge between one of the kids and us. It’s not easy to deal with a teenagers and having your husband have cancer at the same time.

Physically, the weeks he is in the hospital, I get up at 5 in the morning, head to the hospital, stay with him through is whole treatment, leave the hospital late in the evening, run by the office and finish up what ever work I could not do from my laptop at the hospital and head home. I get home between midnight and 1am. I repeat this step all week long. Then the weeks I have him home, I go to work and then come home and try to do everything I can to make sure he is comfortable. I am tired but I can not stop, I must keep going. Some say that I am going to “crash” soon and I say nope. Just like when he had his back surgeries almost 3 years ago, I keep telling him my day will come when he will get to treat me like the pretty princess and I know he will.

Sorry if there was some rambling, but if any of you know me, I do love to talk once you get me started.

Please continue to pray for Michael. I am sure we still have a long road ahead and we can use all the spiritual help and guidance we can get and well as everyone’s love and support.